5 Questions with our founder, Toi Smith
01
What vision do you hold for Black single mothers?
I hold a vision of possibility for Black single mothers. I want Black single mothers to feel like so much is possible for them and their children. Historically, Black single mothers have not been treated well or cared for in so many ways, and our pain has been deemed valid and justified, but I know that to be untrue. I know that we, Black single mothers, are deserving of a life dripping with possibility and love, and that’s the vision I hold deep in my heart.
02
When calling in financial supporters, Loving Black Single Mothers strongly emphasizes that this is not charity, but rather an opportunity to be in solidarity with Black single mothers. Why is this distinction crucial for financial supporters to grasp?
I simply think charity is boring. It’s a way for people to place themselves outside of the community and the collective. It’s an easy way for people to feel good about themselves and a way for people to see themselves as better than a specific community. Charity doesn’t require much thought or care. Charity is temporary and temperamental. Solidarity, on the other hand, says your struggle is my struggle. It places you inside, next to, and woven with the community and the collective. There is no othering or hierarchy when you stand in solidarity with someone or a specific community. Solidarity is deeply rooted, informed, patient, and regenerative. So when calling in financial supporters for Loving Black Single Mothers, that distinction is important because someone who will stand in solidarity with us will be around for the long haul.
03
In what ways has stewarding this initiative revealed the woundings of your motherhood journey? In what ways has stewarding this initiative healed you?
Being a single mother has definitely not been easy for me. I was aware of many of my wounds connected with my motherhood journey, but stewarding Loving Black Single Mothers revealed to me that I’m still profoundly wounded from not being supported for so many years. I think this will be a forever wound that I hold, but it’s been lightened through the work of birthing Loving Black Single Mothers because my story continues to be honored and acknowledged, which is deeply healing.
04
As a Black single mother, if you had been supported by this initiative 5-10 years ago, how would it have shaped your motherhood journey?
Early in my motherhood journey, I carried a lot of shame, and something like Loving Black Single Mothers would've helped me release some of that shame quicker. Seeing myself reflected lovingly and positively would've allowed me to stand a little taller and not spiral or second-guess myself so much. The financial support would've allowed me to focus a little more of my time on mothering and on myself instead of constantly being worried about bills and money. It would have made a huge difference in all of the ways.
05
What insight or encouragement would you share with the person who feels inspired to start cultivating ecosystems of care within their community?
I would say start small and start with a community you’re a part of and deeply familiar with. I would say develop a deep understanding of the layers of systemic oppression harming the community in which you’re looking to support. I would say get comfortable with being uncomfortable, unsure, and having more questions than answers because this kind of work pushes against so many of the ways we’ve been socialized to exist. Finally, I would say connect with like-minded people who can hold your vision with you because you’ll need lots of encouragement along the way.
Our Current Initiatives
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Forever Flourishing
An intimate year-long ecosystem that holds, deeply nourishes, and materially supports a cohort of Black single mothers.
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Summer Camp Joy
A three-month ecosystem that financially supports Black single mothers with summer camp expenses for their children.
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Holiday Love
A four-month ecosystem that financially supports Black single mothers during the holiday season.
